Discography & Lyrics

Everything is available in digital format at cloudrat.bandcamp.com 
Order vinyl from labels and stores and what not, thanks.






















Cloud Rat
12" released 2010 via IFB Records, Midwestern Decline Records, Otherwise Dead Records

ATHENA
I don't need a cloud to tell me I'm alright, with the space in between.
Dead, buried in the ground. That's it, there's nothing else.
I don't need you to tell me I'm going to hell.
Scared eyes, wet little face. Life shoved in my face.
I can't stand you, I don't know you.
I am a monster.
Dead, buried in the ground. That's it, there's nothing else.

PILLBIRTH
She asked, he asked. Now they're going to bed.
Just assuming takes its toll. Roll daddy roll.
The bed, she says it hurts. She's starting to feel the dirt.
She says she feels it, really.
It just opens her eyes to the mask in her face.
He's nothing but the same, and she's a different species.

LE FOIE DU MICHIGAN
Trophée fille pour tous pour voir tous les à squeeze.
You were the liver of Michigan, so sweet so vile.
Trophy I am for all to squeeze.
You made a fool out of me, a fool out of us.
This setting sun will burn through your fucking flesh.
I hope it burns through your breath.
I hope it burns through your traps.
Trophée fille pour tous pour voir tous les à squeeze.

DWELL
You said to me we will float away like the ships you see.
Oh my heart sings to you. But you're poisoned so dark, and the fog is too thick.
Should I lay with you in death? I know I should sail away alone.
I watch like a hawk as you lean and fade. Does it feel good to burn away?
As he filters and pierces through your skin. Sweet relief, the pain is finally gone.
Hand in mouth, you shake me. You know what I'm thinking.
Fuck you for thinking I would be happy.
But I will sit with you and coddle the womb, I won't leave you, I won't. I won't leave you.
They only sedate. They only sedate.

SINKHOLE
You're upset in a dark world where we all get ignored.
Where I'm subjected, you're rejected, and he doesn't want you around.
My insides are coming out. Our minds are destroying themselves.
The mirror is everything we think we are.
Everything we are not.
I am nothing. I am nothing.
I poison my own body to treat myself.
My body is the battleground where I hate myself.
But there's nothing wrong with me. There's nothing wrong.
I am something. I am. I am.

YAMA

MOUSE TRAP
No hot water to cleanse my skin.
Empty holes we've fallen in.
Please mommy, make me clean. 
Give me something to eat.
This trash and piss just piles up.
My bed smells and I've got no socks.
I was looking to you for guidance. 
You were living on the couch.
This trash and piss just piles up.
You're like a little kid.
If you're so depressed, 
Why do you want to live?

VAIN
Life is fleeting death. Covered in shit, vomiting piss. 
Just a constant fix, my fix.
Written in the book you gave me,
Flowers and dead birds you drew me.
After I left, I now truly believe.
Life is fleeting death. Covered in shit, vomiting piss.

CANINE
Forefather's got a gun.
Forefather love's everyone.
Forefather's got a gun,
Say's he'll save everyone.
Why don't you love me? Why don't you want me?
Forefather, lift us up. Impending doom, breaking crust.
Forefather, save me please. Five years old, I'm on my knees.
She barks like a dog protecting her rats.
I was just thrown outside. Out with the trash.

FAINTHEARTED
I hate love. I despise it, actually.
When I wanted it, it would leave me.
I can't stand it, it haunts me.
Oh they all haunted me. They all haunted me.
What a warped sense of mind, to tell me that everything is fine.
A little at a time.
It's the thing that just beats me, it beats me every time.

COMPLEX TO BREAK
Why you sent to me,
A thought for all to see.
Can I, God, get outside these lines?
You are the one to design a system too complex to break.
Can't I think?
My life as quick as a blink.
Can't I fucking think?
I, God, can't get outside these lines.
You are the one to design a system too complex to break.
Can't I think?
A system too complex to break.




Split with Xtra Vomit
Cassette released 2010 via Life Like Records
LP Released 2012 via IFB Records

MY BODY THE PERFORMANCE MACHINE
This is the day you stray away from the other groups,
And walk with it. Limp limbs, limp limbs.
Hand it a drink and sit right next to it.
Its thighs have always been your favorite.
Appealing, its looks led it right to you.
Fucked.
This is what I don't like.
That's what I LIKE.
Payment, the initial act.
The arching of the lower back.
Decaying, it will always ache,
But it will always get paid.

MAGNOLIAS
Pent up aggression. Pent up, listen to me go on.
Pent up whirlwind, sucking and spitting rotten fruit that he grew.
A relationship that worm of a woman ate right through.
Nothing comes to mind when they mention you.
Hairpins, but nothing comes to mind.
It was addiction fire burning up his time.
Choices.
Angelic demonic forces that manipulate your world.
THIS IS NOT LOVE THIS IS ADDICTION.
I don't love you anymore, I'm just comfortable and sore, so sore.

CONVEYOR BELT
Isolation; the feeling of an ant mindset.
Too small, too small.
Isolation; pretending to be someone I'm not.
If I would have known I would feel like this,
I wouldn't have hid or cared.
Isolation; I won't leave this room.
I won't leave. 
I sit in this multi-colored stall,
Conveyor belt, smoked furnace.
I'm chained to these words.
I'm chained to my mind.

CLEAR
Clear. She spends the day with a smile on her face.
Pat on the head, the simplest reflection.
Grant her some satisfaction.
Everything she is, I want to be.
Nothing in her mind, no sense to worry. 
All I ever wanted was to BE PAIN FREE.
Digging a hole to sleep.
Curling and twisting to sleep.
Sweat and hair to sleep.
Pain free.

POWERLINES
Conceived by wires, my birth was when they built the tower.
Hidden message fed through everyone's words.
Wires upon wires stay in flight like snakes,
Wrap themselves around us.
Power; energy is the god.
GLASS MOVING STEEL.
Obsolete.
No flesh, no heart, no need.
Programmed.

THE GERM OF LOVE
Its cries were the root of our speech.
What echoes still comes ringing back.
Your feet keep running, 
But what's closed in strife will always entangle your heart.

FEVER DREAMS

A CELL WITHIN A CELL
Her clothes scattered like leaves, 
I watch her pounce from one side to the other.
Cat purrs, and I watch her twist my body into position.
Sliding silk, I pull and tug.
Day 1: The Feast. 
Mouthing sadness, she one-by-one pulls of her first layer of skin.
Never the right amount of beauty.
Never the right amount of anti-everything.
I want to love her with every inch of my being. 
She could eat my carcass alive.
So much torment is part of the process,
Becoming one of them.
"My favorite activity is getting ready." She laughed.
You are fucking invisible.

DELIVERANCE IN THE CLOUDS
Cracked skull, his eye twitches.
Every ounce of paint thickens and dries.
His centipede fingers curl around my back to make sure I’m still there,
Educing me; enchanting me.
Green eyes in the black light, strewn across his lop-sided bed.
Awake to shakes, twitches, and he speaks;
To wake up only in my dreams...
Dying girl holds dead boy.




3-way Split with Oily Menace and Wolbachia
LP released 2011 via IFB Records and Blackhouse Records

MARCH
I want a joy that never dies.
But here, buried deep in snow,
I still sit. 
Teaching myself to look at you with both eyes, and nothing else.
So when I come home, 
My seesaw state of mind won't forever be picked apart.
You’ll whisper: “Buried love is the best love.”

C.S.R. (Corporate Social Responsibility)
Gun-metal to the lobe, you take everything.
With little discretion, you get an erection,  
From stripping people of the hope they wish you could give them.
Your well kept facade is tearing at the seams.
Your stench can be smelled all throughout the building.
Counting coins as you kick her in the teeth.
Racketeer by any name; black market Ken Doll in the frontal position.

SMOKE RINGS
To give up his body for the good of his species is all he knows.
To plunder and put him in a submissive hold is why she floats.
Domination is achieved by aggression; to torture and serve.
Left unnourished and unwanted, you must work to grow.
The greatest myth of all:
Our workers are created by maternal manipulation.
The harmonies of nature, the social classes of flowers.
But the mighty systems are but tiny grains of sand.

DIG AND PINCH (BEA)
A guided finger on a school wall.
Collected fragments I would see in the hall.
Guided tribes of pre-adolescent monsters.
You tell me I'm sexually perverted?
It's a Lack of a line. 
What's abnormal?
Distorted. skewed. Dead. 
Death. Fear. Acceptance.

INCANTATIONS
Pissing blood, she smells like her bed.
She casts little spells all over her body.
Flicking the syringe, her jewel toned eyes look like a sea serpent's.
Sedated and screaming,
The chemicals in her mind form a perfect toxic cocktail.
All she does is worry,
Rocking back and forth.
Lonely.Lonely.Lonely.
"I feel it in me."
She's like a hole:
Dressed in shreds and scared to death.
Take my blood and see whats wrong.

NEST
His sweat smells like sweet sludge,
And when he opens me, I break like tree bark.
"To pierce," He said, "What beauty."
To hurt the part of me that glowed.
As his hand follows my curves, I choke back the vomit.
When he ripped my skin, tidy he placed the maggots on the wound,
Only caring that I would heal properly.
I laid back in anguish, and licked myself clean.
Foot to brain.

LIKE LANTERNS, THEY LIT MY WAY
I turned to look at the oncoming traffic...
Me and them, is there something I should look for?
Razorblade backs couldn’t sting me enough.
In this incredible deliverance, headlights; The Way.
This ticking beetle in my throat made me cough blood.
Mother time holds her arms so beautifully,  
Welcoming me into her throne.
Take it away.
Take me away.



Split with Autarkeia
7" released 2011 via IFB Records

AT PEACE IN HELL
You like picking open sores. 
While the quietness of your home gives you a sense of completion.
A life well spent, within your years.
Liberation from a body; liberation from a cage.
Never knowing, always wailing.
The bile eeks its way out. 
The whispers are diminishing. 
You, falling, the curtains sway with every breath you take.
The painful choices...
And you think about how it is absolutely terrifying to be alone.
But ready the stars,
The last light and now the dark,
...Of the masks you wear in this world,
I have one built called "Infinity."

CAREGIVING TO THE PASSIVE
I hold my treasure deep within my hand, 
"Just look, o' sweet one."
Bite sized with half shut eyes.
Delicious, I begin to quiver.
I feel my power, now full as a flooding ocean.
I see the gaze of the shattered rocks biting at my feet. 
I bend down to console my cut body, as I feel the gloves come at me.
The sweetness that is so subtle kisses away at my mind.
This is the sorrow that lurks in my bliss.
Breathe deep. 
Confusion takes me away.
Breathe deep.




Split with Republic of Dreams
LP released 2012 via IFB Records, React With Protest Records, Moment of Collapse Records, and Fifty Year Storm Records

BURNING DOE
The leaves have this curl to them;
Racing past, golden hues like wisps of a horse tail not yet fenced in.
No more stiffening of this black substance.
This is more beautiful than pleasure I read. 
One by one they fall, taking the last year with them. 
Away from me.
Candy apple red; I want my lips to match.
But I can only see the glow around me,
Shedding its skin. 
And full like everything else,
It helps me molt then retreat.
I’m so fucking sick of being humyn.

PARACHUTE

Static is what I lay my head upon.

Watching you build this city:

Cities built upon an idea of eternity.

Refugees and restrictions.

Your consumption is like scripture.

Stunted growth because of the shadow.

Daily life is the temple.

Master. Prehistoric. Fucker.

A STENCH OF SAGE

I am the worm that moves from page to page,

Reaching for his arm, patched-up stripped sleeve.

Steel spirals shine from their vests.

This is madness. Pure darkness.

Burning death-flies and contorted flesh.

Looking from the line, they mumbled. 

Streams of steam tumble. 

Drifting from our gums...

A wish for the clouds; pure harsh rain.

I am the mixed menace.

I am the half-bred whore.

They didn’t ask for anything but our mothers forest floor.

KEBA

Couch-dweller, he hides in secret.

The last pair of eyes under the hall closet.

Can you balance? Can you show me yourself?

A mission to the junkyard

(Just trash stretched across industrialized land).

For the first time,

I've found something I've been searching for.

Anything.

His body, a bone casket.

Can you keep me company, Keba?

Because I can't sleep with knives anymore.

MOVING MOUTHS

You cant you can’t you can’t

Treat me like this.

Wicked and winged rubbing my eyes.

There’s no limit to what a mind can absorb.

A pounding, pulsating anger that is no longer humyn.

Glorified Dawn, I spit in your face.

Come at me, try and eat your most precious host.

Give me the soul of a giver, teacher-preacher.

My roses will bloom where the tide touches the sky.

ASTRONOMY

Dealing. I'm always just dealing.

Strewn about, pulled too thin. 

Thinking about what’s about to rip.

"I think I know you from a past life."

Being cautious, always watching my back.

I’ve been attracted to you like a fly to a mucus trap.

I’ve always been wrestling your internal pain.

Woke up from dreams, 

Where I undressed you from a priestly gown.

I played with dangerous toys and suffered a catastrophe.

It began with deafness and shut me down, 

Now with dreadful shrieks.

The lights go out. 

The house shakes and implodes on itself.

Concave-mirrored walls, 

My head has bred its very own version of distress.

Monomaniac Volume One - International 7" Compilation
7" Released 2012 Via Blastbeat Mailmurder Productions

FINGERPRINT V1
Nothing's going to ever feel like this.
It’s not going to feel fine, 
You can break my skeleton,
And you will eat at my mind.
But it’s flowing lively through my heart.
It blooms through my eyes.
And the deceit which you grew will fester and rise.
We don’t belong here.
Eventually we will be cast out.

Moksha
LP Released 2013 via Halo of Flies Records, IFB Records, React With Protest Records, and 7 Degrees Records

INKBLOT
Dresses dancing against a boundless breeze.
Orgasm rolling forth...
Big yellow buses. Big purple bruises.
Breaking nails, dirt hiding under.
You know just where to touch me. 
That place, that special gaze.
Nothing compares to touch. Piano fingers, cold and unlaced.
To scare me is to win me. To stain me is to scar me.
Inkblot butterflies dwell in temples.
But it’s for her, not you. 
I’m sorry you feel sick.
Inkblot moisture feeding, feeling.
Inkblot test.
Inkblot bleached right through,
Pouring to the other side.
Pouring.
You...
AROMA
...Should have let me choose, shouldn’t have you?
Rebellion leading to freedom.
Burned alive.
I smell you, I smell like you.
I am awake and inside out.
“Awful punishment awaits bad people..." Jenny taught me.
And it will be heroic to try and stop me...
It’s still happening and it’s not changing, so you’re lying lying lying.
My voice is in your throat and it all must burn burn burn.

CORNER SPACE
Upstairs around where I wrote a song,

About where I loved laying.
Grey bathwater filled with my hair, 
Filled with my body.
This is just some lost race carved in upright knees,
Where soft smiles lie alone.
Shackled to rope, watch me go as the birds dart.
Why can’t we just stop?
Going home.

OLYMPIA
Life is mingled with thine,

Mangled with masks and watch-clocks.
They’re looking for water in a drought.
You see, death is the labor of birth.
And when they come again, really look at their root.
Light your imagination, dip your pen.
Watch for the wave, bitter short breaths.
Look to your light,
And look down at it.
Oh what a lonely god.
Lonely god.

PEER TO PEER
Fucking for all to see.

Puckering lips.
Used and abused; Delete.
Holograms float by like cyber spiderwebs.
Shards of images broken piece by piece.
Look at you, a shadowed complex. 
Here we are again without a name.
Hypnotizing a lustful sonnet,
Falling back to close his eyes.
Rows and rows of feeders skillfully cheating you out of your life.
Creeps.
Wait ‘til you see the latest format.

WIDOWMAKER
Scars resemble the wilderness.

A marbling of reflected light.
Obscure and perfect she floated to me.
My fancies are as noble as a tree.
Smoke pouring from his split lips, crackling and cackling.
She drank his remedy of silence and spit once more that night.
Her rusted joints couldn’t take it anymore:
She pushed paralyze and watched his blood spread across the floor.
"She is made in a dark light, an afterthought, a second solution after the first one had failed."

INFINITY CHASM
I watched you walking outside, picking flowers.

Holding your hand in the park running.
Seeing you grow and come into your own.
If only I could keep time from catching up with us eventually.
Forgive me, I can’t save you from that.
Feeling your breath for the last time,
Panic as you close your eyes.
I wish I could carry you with me... 
Into the eternal, living in the happiest moments.

INIMITABLE SEA
Inside my woes creep.

Entangling this strange black hole I call my heart.
Everything sounds so good to me now:
Hives of honey,
Sweet beaded eyes,
My strange fixation on your hands.
Pulling at my hair, a sea of acid dripping down my oars,
Out to sea; Happy.
But it’s cold like a draft.
Dressed up, tore down.
Twisted bodies fall to the floor,
Like slugs in this circle.
We are one.

DAUNTING DAUGHTERS
This place feels different somehow,

Inside eight walls stretched long.
Discourse of highness - Herbal attraction.
Fell into my hands... Daydreaming things that are sad.
I ask myself why? Who am I questioning? Who?
There’s no one in front of me.
Just breathe the breath,
Like a wind I couldn’t find.
Like a wind in winter’s time.
Daunting daughters we’re trying to help.
Anya Mama glacial.
Such a sad face...
She’s got such a sad face to see when she’s sleeping.

CAISSE
First breath. 

The winded pathway out of the womb.
Calloused hands pulled a pop release.
Deep browns full of black, nothing but ropes and seeds.
Am I a gift? Why do I feel so much pain?
My milk. My mother. Machine of a life.
Mother, mother. Machine of a life.
Separated and scared, I’ve broken my neck.
An offering: Bastard boy, beautiful beast.
Open your mouth, wounded screams.
If you could only see.
If you could only see.
Look at me.
There is no sustenance in the rape and murder of others.

THE NEEDLE AND THE DAMAGE DONE (Neil Young)
I caught you knockin' at my cellar door.

"I love you baby, can I have some more?"
Oh the damage done.
I hit the city and I lost my band,
I watched the needle take another man.
Gone, gone. The damage done.
I sing the song because I love the man.
I know that some of you don't understand.
Milk-blood, to keep from running out.
I've seen the needle and the damage done,
A little part of it in everyone.
But every junkie's like a setting sun.
The damage done.

VIGILHera, 

All we will be left with is cinder and ash.
Let him bravely turn to face his actions.
Penance? Carcasses.
Show an impulse of compassion.
Spirits aspire to the sky; condors.
Don't worry. You will be loosely tied.
Crossing repitition, the march goes on.
Drone. Drone. Drone. Engine eating coal.
Shipped alive, will our species even survive?
Becoming the destroyer of skyscrapers,
Our component parts will be ripped out.
Biological strings of intestines, 
Buried deep in the ground.
What part of the genome will survive?
Simply love.
We shouldn't survive.
We shouldn't exist.
All of the sudden, Earth.
My chest feels heaven.

MOKSHA (Instrumental)

Split w/ Orgullo Primitivo
7" Released 2014 Via IFB Records

SIX MILE
70 percent prairie, I care no more for laws. 
Crushed under tongues. 
Can I be a potter? One that can build subterranean tombs, 
Just like the cops? 
Ornamentals of truth, Out of reach of our children. 
Gagged and molested. 
Don't trust the bonds. Flat-faced; replaceable. 
Nations pass. Half day, half night.

SKIN FLOWERS
Crawling up my cold feet, I sink into the end of the couch. 
Looking at your entrails, I bite my tongue. 
I feel a whisper of dead pleasure swindling away what I stand for. 
You lick my throat as my eyes roll back into my skull. 
Lifted up and rolled over, an invisible rope is strewn across the arm rest. 
Tell me this is how you cracked all your other puppets. 
You smile and wait for me to decide what’s best. 
Set in stone, my fate was never complex. 
These snakes will leave your heart and fill the whole in my chest.

TRIAL BY WATERAre only womyn angels?

CHILDCRAFT
"I like pulling out your baby teeth." 
Looking down at the twelve-year-old girl, 
String-to-finger. 
Scalping her bones. Shunts in the brain. 
No remorse to the little one. 
Growing. Closing. Losing her sense of wonder. 
Why wander anymore? It’s safer now. 
Shit-sack of bones in a bow, 
Sets it in front of you. 
I don’t want to remember how bad it felt 
To manually turn their heads; 
To walk them to their deaths. 
Burning their iris', I put her to bed. 
You’re safe now.

Qliphoth
LP released 2015 via Halo Of Flies Records, IFB Records, Moment of Collapse Records, React With Protest Records, 7 Degrees Records

SEKEN

Wake up. Dull bulb flickers fluorescent.

Mind on again. Down the stairs. Bathroom Mirror.

Clothes on again. Can I do this again?

Unpaid. Pinstripe red. Overtime.

My fingers are cold and my lips are dry.

Did I leave the lights on? Do I remember?

Recession to collapse. 

I stare at myself in the reflection.

One last primal thought. DSM-5.

I imagine famine & the blood of others.

Ants that dance in the sand.

Suns hands pushing and pulling

The last beads of moisture I’ve saved.

The mouth of the people.

The mouth that gulps humans.

Weak. Infinite. Incomplete.

Brittleness; a transformation that will never happen.

Waiting for an ancient god that does not exist.

Things missing. Things you remember. Withdrawal.

“It’s the food they offered you. 

It’s subversive, it’s treacherous,

And it does not mean life.”

BOTCHED

Delaying executions.

Behind a bulletproof wall.

Get on your hind feet you fucking dog.

- These things, regarding the head -

The cop holds a thin sword above the inmate’s body.

“Sentenced to suffer for those you made suffer.”

Cocktail jester/magnifying glass.

Writing, summoning pain. No mercy machine.

This new kind of killer, search party, plastic tray.

Drawn and quartered.

Shaking violently, muscular deterioration.

In the ache of a longing pain.

His back is cold, but he can still feel his whole body burning.

THE UPPER WORLD

Lavender lipstick giving a goodbye.

Compressor snake skin around my thigh,

Like a tapestry I can hang on my wall.

The prophet; the arc moving slow.

Something to worship: something deformed.

She’s putris and knows how to harness her glow.

Crumbling, reducing, Aiesr melts the snow. 

She gives me a root canal, head on pillow.

She gives me my own thoughts, pills & pressure.

Mambo guides me through a polluted swamp,

Stands with me as I crawl up the tyrant’s sleeping throne.

Driving my heel into his scales,

I impale him with his own crown.

Straddling the fussy little man,

I scratch and open his chest.

Emerge; creep forth the cycle of life.

Your hands will no longer drown.

RACCOON

Half past the unlucky, and there’s a pebble in my shoe.

Rollercoaster stomach. “You’re soft,” said Aural Glory.

Knee jerks, and she became a guillotine.

Decapitated pleasure, staring into another skull. 

Coward. If I splice thyself, you should have it all.

Cleaning up remnants, laying on the softest hair.

A moving violation...

...and the body that grows stems walks towards me.

Rose peasant, your house is gone.

You’re living in a black hole.

Tie a rope around the ankle of something you shouldn’t let go,

But symptoms toe the line. My personality is disturbing me.

Flushed cheeks, and here I am, left.

It’s no fun to see the bleeding,

To hear your clarifying clues.

Your face will come to me in a crowd.

Thy dark and earnest eyes.

Patience.

DAISIES

Toppling over, I see you in the window.

Red orange leaves covering your cuts,

Little incisions made just for us.

If you hear something like a wave, come find me.

Keep those eyes shut tight, As you make yourself bleed.

You’ve closed the window, And now I sing outside.

Hummingbird loose, different guts you collect.

Only stay a month or two.

Internet loves that fuck the love out of you.

Dear girl, I could have their hearts. Deliver them in parts.

I’m outside your window, and I can still see you.

BLOATED GOAT

Rising from under a sheet, a corpse that still has skin.

Painted nails, navy blue. “Urine ball little girl.”

Take her boots off one by one.

Apa smiles as he runs away. A silent crushed ant.

Let her kick you in the face.

Booze dressed on her every day.

Driving the kids, not to play, but to be the spectacle.

Stolen prizes you cheated to get us,

From a traveling carnival.

I heard you died in your sleep.

The woman you killed was the one to call upon me.

I laid back in the bath... No water, just clothes.

RUSTING BELT

Thickness you seem to see, rolling and coarse.

Do you want to live with me, like me?

There’s not a chance. Never was a choice. 

Cutting black confetti, it’s all from my hair.

Disrupting ecosystems. Hauling the art away.

Point your mouth, asphyxiate. Come along, crisis.

Kerosene, wet my mouth. Holy dwelling habitat.

Enemy erection. Stuffed animals. Ashes.

Will we have enough oxygen to sing on our own?

Drainage sucking industrial love. Water well empty.

“Arson is a form of self-expression,

In a place where you can’t express yourself.”

Elders, to kids, know in their brains:

This whole fucking neighborhood is gonna burn down,

I’m afraid, one day.

UDDER DUST

Sometimes I think of how hardly alive you are at all.

Dodging bullets. Dodging raindrops.

December’s here, and this rattling can,

Of a group “home” (we call a home) can’t stay warm.

There are no colors. The world feels dusty.

The thoughts that swim in & out make a traitor out of me.

Suspend myself from the ceiling and watch us all live.

I break and slip porcelain plates.

Abandoned. Restrained. Clinking chain.

Move to the same motions. I stare back at the clock.

How do I convince you I’m living?

Creeping smile, dry lips close.

I entertain thoughts that lull my mind.

Just sitting here in my head (free reign for my brain).

This place is the fly that won’t stop following me.

THE KILLING HORIZON (Composed and performed by Crimewave)

THE BOAR’S SNOUT

His nose is bustled in my neck. 

Hazy. Bigots always saying sorry,

While they’re standing over the body.

Somehow, somebody’s face is missing.

Tantra chain lock collars, unmasked dogs.

I can picture the minutes, feel the minutes,

Before his body hits the cement.

Billboards make the brainwaves sway.

Breathing out like a contaminated street vent.

Knock me to the ground, watch and wait,

Until the slime comes out. Abort the only flesh left.

I spy head against brickwork.

His smells conquered. Hands limp, freezing over.

Snot slides down into my mouth. You’re not mine now.

Taken away.

HERMIT (Lyrics by Jessika Marvin)

Don’t look at me for answers. Look to the sky.

Swear on your life. So ashamed of your lies.

You won’t be forgiven.

Constantly questioning your motives.

Confused by the process of your thoughts.

Sick to death of guessing games.

Tired of your dull-edged blame. 

Aren’t you ashamed?

Please enlighten me. Do you take yourself seriously?

Your straight-faced explanations never fail to disappoint.

I’m ashamed. So ashamed.

I don’t want to see you, no.

I have another face now - that one.

That one that you knew remains forever in your pupils.

You won’t be forgiven.

LIVE WAKE

Lick it up.

The fertility differs from person to person.

Slow cascading urination; way of life; unwanted guests.

Will you press the flowers I gave you? In glass?

Are you hovering, or just laying on your back?

Day by day, the mold I smell in this hospital gown...

Spiders weave around my head. 

Silk curtains for my bed. 

So, would I live this life’s brief span?

Roll me. Ween me. Leave me on my side.

Encore medicaid. Loose hair I wrap around.

Vultures swarming, waiting for the bill.

I can see their reflections.

Dollar store smell.

THIN VEIN

What’s the mother tongue? Thin vein. Bolt gun.

Up and down. Close and part.

I lay, aimlessly staring at the wall.

Outer space; the void. I can’t sleep again.

Laying on my face: one white-numb hand.

Stars above my head. Pull-out peace. Any chance of sleep?

Everyone on this planet is humming the same sound.

Outer space; the void. I can’t sleep again.

Thunderous laughing, plunged in night...

BOLT GUN

...The rising heat of a blistering cell, pulsating.

Brass teeth that gnaw and grind.

A collared neck that is raw.

A woman alone holding a child,

Playing unharmed and sweet.

Fungus that evolves into the next type of species.

Radiation silence. Aging man in a chair.

Violence. Mourning. Courage. Resistance.

Rupture the lungs. Bolt gun to the temple.

Endless sips from my glass of water.

“I lay there again,

Drops of sweat slowly sliding from my hairline.”

ROUGE PARK

The ice is finally thawing. Take notice to a decaying smell.

Paws and mandibles, to our surprise, come blooming out.

Muzzles and secretions intertwined,

With wrappers and garbage.

Fifty dead dogs strewn about.

You had the power of steel. You had the power of weight.

To build a pit, to use fear as bait.

Human infliction and the four stages of cruelty.

They’re my machines with no souls.

I can hear them whimpering over the sneering laughter.

The collar placed around my throat,

A dominant leather reminder.

Gutted. Classified as property.

I must obey, or I will be broken.

Frozen. No justice. Cryptic. No salvation.

The ghosts will find you by other means.

One day soon, you’ll be thrown in a pit.

Deemed destroyed. Just for the rush of it.

FRIEND OF THE COURT

There are spaces above the doors.

Round tables set for four.

How can I be an influence whenever you’re freed?

He stares at the kids, and he stares back at me.

Hiding under coats on the bus. Zipper wheel around.

The light filters pink through the clouds.

A blockade of the soul. Ten years old.

Sister, I know to make it stay.

Let a release of paper, but make the pain go away.

A knife to the jaw. Weapons in the cellar.

Condescending teeth. I know a hundred ways to die.

You’re sore. Knight the child. Grace.

Mail the gender back to the king. Kistestver.

CHRYSALIS

We went with hearts too full to know.

Reveled in destruction and rage,

The home is still faintly burning.

Inside, a couple of kids. 

The crying dust. The womb of lust.

Pinks and oranges fall on the rooftops.

The dark and the dampness,

Covering the walls in paper thoughts,

Of gatherings long since passed. 

We broke into a billion pieces and finally fell.

The cocoon is hard and protective.

It’s trimmed in the hair I have ripped,

Collected from each creature.

The wing veins in the heart burst through.

Looking at you, I gasp,

But my lungs fill with hopelessness.

Dry, sucked-back pupils.

Immerse myself in the cracking shell.

Thinking of times when the kitchen chair,

Would be my bed (The cocoon).

I hear your voice. Your eyes dart.

Toxic secretions coming out of you,

Like a colorful hostage behind glass.

I strip and enter the last stage.

Countermeasures to race these toxins.

I’m not dreaming.

Split 7" w/ Drugs of Faith - 2015 - SelfMadeGod Records 

DULL BULB
Fly trap open. Your mouth is a gaping wound.
Septic; you choke on the garbage you spew.
This is a desperate time, and your rotten brain can't control its cancer valves.
But I have lillies sit on my table. I cover my home in flowers.
So I don't need the windows. Detroit: you've finally won.
I've locked myself inside you.

ERASER
I'm on some steep slope. 
Tube running in and out of my nose,
Our love is the comforting tool with which I've used to enslave you.
I've noticed the amount of medication has grown...
Never took them before. Bad reaction. Was afraid for you.
Boot heels drive into the fertile land,
Wet from rain. Wet soil smell. Morning sickness.
Nausea. I'm scared, I've fallen.
I'll catch myself on a steep angle,
Coming in fast, like a flash of light.
I draw your name on my arm and touch it at night.

CANARY
A new face. Someone I know, but look at differently. What's right?
I still cum when called.
Held against a crashing wave. Sea salt; tip-toe around.
A new smell. Will I ever get used to it?
A new face in my sleep.
Three stones on a porcelain plate: Two for you, one for me.
Manipulating a canary's tune.
Beautiful; you float across the floor.
Am I tricking myself? Or is the winner really gone?
I can hear you breaking in. Take whatever you want.

Split LP w/ Moloch - 2017 - Halo of Flies / Feast of Tentacles

Sueño

Confidence inside a marble eye.

Scales wrap the rope around your legs to drag you out,

Under the watershed, end of the road work.

They balance on a plank, arms to keep from swaying.

Demons in the sky, rats under the soil.

Put the exhaust in the ground to smoke the reptile out.

Third Reich grave dancer will be lit on fire once and for all.

No hidden place for you to conduct ignorance.

A beautiful place doesn't exist in plain sight,

But seedlings tended by Ra will conquer.

I know what it's like to see a snake in greens,

But I don't know the pain of hiding,
To avoid getting bitten by any means.

Perdiak

Swoon like a net swaying in the air,

Slip-sliding down a hole.

Knots in our hair, brush me harder.

Things I think I forget: top bunk spying down,

You're a pomegranate, you're sweet,

You race over fresh water.

Can I blot you out like ink on paper?

Will I always follow you around?

I catch the fly in my palm,

Cold starts to burn, dropping it down.

Can't learn, can't learn, I can't learn;

Clothes line suicide. 

Clench

Michigan basement blues,

Maudy can't control her tone.

Sleep inside a tomb.

Baby monitor; Drekavac answers.

Touching husband directs the parade of degradation.
From beyond the edge,

Velcrow farmlight, hind legs high.

The parents. Those neglectful dogs, only in night.

We paint her nails so she can forget about the bed sores.

'65, '89, '90, '01.

Baby Sling / Balloon Borne

Paint drawing, skipping around,

Barrettes and rubber bands,

Protection at all costs.
A bumbling, two different fates,
Brown hair, blue eyes.

I hum Magyar to get to sleep.

Your caw of life is a nightmare.

You don't know what it means.

The simplicity of it all takes pure form,

Terrified to hold you when it only means
We're going to have to run.

What is he? What is she?

Rip the talking box out.

Sister wolf eats the throat of the jester,

Here to fucking perform.

Biting The Air

Spun like strings on a guitar,

Tighten my arms around you.

A distance I can see from the middle room,

You in the corner under the lamp, 

Waiting, what you do best to suck the blood from time.

First drink of wine, pretend to nap,
A ghost in the ceiling.

Apply the makeup to be together.

Walks across the sand, Polish script passes out eyes.

Pain across an ocean, watching storms.
Frustrated forehead hits a teleprompter.

Sleigh bells tied to sticks to awaken a love and a charm.

A little light, a little light.

Pit

Glass is shattering across the world tonight.

Everyone, masks on. Tear gas rains from the sky.

In a paddle boat on an eerie plane, I catch my last fish.

The lunatic screams from under the water.

Just float gently over, cold broad shoulder.

A tad bit of water enters the lungs,

"Gunna getchu! Can't hear you!"

Before you sink a calm glossy eye,

We peer down at a purple vein face.

Screens capture the life that was almost saved,

But this is just a clip show now, no hard feelings.

Mind hugged by bats hanging in an abandond cave.

Your life is still here because its on a page.

Amber Flush

We can make peace with it,

That is what sanctuary is. 

Proof of concept, I need you not to scream.

Why are you here? 

Baby pink walls, velvet sheen,

Spines and thorns are the trim around a sinking soul.

Husk boy, false eyelashes,

I don their skin for more than just warmth. 

I know myself better than you could have ever thought.

I am the bouquet, drink from my hip.
I won't open boxes that I'm told not to.

Split 7" w/ Crevasse - 2017 - Halo of Flies / Contraszt Records 


Harpy
Life events; squeamish standards; panic and swirling;
The love of your body against mine;

I fail from all these reasons.
Impairment.
I watch my ghost outside, he's playing alone.
Over time I look at you,
And it's still a reminder of what I don't want.

Drainpipe
Have all the rapture!
Salivating as you humanize weapons,
Calling out the dogs of a nuclear priesthood.
In your fumbling dance, your breath is steaming.

Fangs upward, over the lip.
Competition of manhood; abstraction,
Some ordinary distraction.
Black ants in bed & stainless steel teeth,
They line you up like the best cinema seats.
Under a sky, in a book,
Like earthquakes crawling.

Papusza
I've told you time and again,
The stretching rigid pavement hums,
Cars broken down.
Shallow pit that the horse digs.
The virus still exists, a gift the rat gave me.
Small box, unwanted, and forced open.
Isolated, you keep me alive.
Inconsolable rag doll, deaf and dumb.
I'll give myself once you leave me,
On the poppy tablecloth, knot in my womb,
The blood enters the water and it wanders.
I watch it wander.

Fish in a Pool (originally by Electric Deads)
From the day that you were born
You've been swimming around in a pool of your own,
Swimming and watching the world pass by
On the other side of the glass
Why worry of what goes on?
You'll get your fish-food anyway.
You just swim back and forth,
But are you going anywhere?
The day you die, they'll take you up
With a green plastic net.
And you'll look as you've always done...Dead

Split LP w/ Disrotted - 2017 - Halo of Flies / Dry Cough

Holding the Picture
...Neptune's mouth;

The tentacle shows through the fabric now.

“Beautiful humans,” He tells me.

“This is where to grow them."

He shows me a small game,

We use spears to impale them.

Tunnels and caverns; I live and inhabit.

Consciousness...

An intelligence that calls itself “Unity.”

An underground nervous system.

I become unmoved while I absorb sunlight.

You enact total war on creativity.

Tunnels and caverns; I live to inhabit.

All sins ignored; To enact my cells.

There are others around me...

“Listen to me girl!

Your origin is unknown.

Your waste in a thousand burning seas.

Filth and desperation corrode your crevasses.

Seek nothing into the dream affairs. 

Your ancestors were a plague.”

Wide open like a mouth,

Guided with nothing now.

At the mountains of madness,

My overlord has left me alone

And only I know what pain is.

Fluttering down on broad cheeks,

The planet’s winds whip against me.

Luminescent flashing,

Mother burning underneath the ground.

Or what I smell...

What is this?

Crashing life field,

A passage. 

Am I the first visitor?

Neptune's mouth;

The tentacle shows through the fabric now...

Blightseed / Split LP w/ The World Is A Vampire - 2018 - IFB Records & Feast of Tentacles

Wish Maid (Melody, Chooser of the Slain)
Tusk, is that you?
What made this monster inside?
Look around the room, in a spinning chair.
That's why you've found your way to me.
The snow strange candle dipped into flesh,
Once you give it away, you have to steal it back.
All I had... You were all I had.
O' Sun, forgive me please, 
Forever in darkness, we can finally go to sleep.
How can I experience gentleness in the world shaped around me?
Ssshhh... 
Dwindle; lay down and let the weight creep: 
Allow yourself to be crushed, 
Dance around with hands out, 
But hide your face, girl. 
"Smile big for me." Break his skin, on his knees, 
Do the most think thinkable deed.

Nago
Inside lives an animal diseased with hate.
My fingers turn discolored,
Then the rotting aroma comes out of my mouth.
Blinded by palms that whisper "Guess who it is..."
An inchworm; a collision, 
I send an image: A human dies and I don't see it.
I eat more food with maggots squirming in it.
Evacuation. We cross the bridge.
Which one of us will be first?
Tell me, who's gonna win?
I throw up once it hits my stomach.

Refraction (lyrics by Rorik)
Push and pull, bend and break,
Sunspots pulsing; tunnel vision collapse.
I violently recoil and realize I'm still awake,
Daylight recollections of lifetimes long past.
And then comes the night...
No moon and no stars, 
Just my world decaying behind mental bars. 
Visions of a spherical life, 
Distorting down into a single dimension:
Permanent despair.
Bitter solace in solitude.

Rosemary
I have made a little promise.
It's the light, the shoulder blades too sharp to touch.
I put on my best clothes and spin around and around,
I draw his image in the dirt in my bed.
Not far away, but too far to touch.
To feel your final fever;
To measure every gain and every loss;
Reaping what you sow; so what?
You will ride separate rails to the end.

Call To Death (lyrics by Dave Sams)
There's a voice that lives inside my head,
Shy from expression and interpretation,
That gives me right to sink inside of nothing.
Where I can be. 
Where I can be a vast migration.
Forever, fleeting endorphins, 
Stimulate the passing.
It's leaving. I'm leaving.
Thin membrane to scrape,
For excess building blocks;
for bleeding emotions;
I could melt and be fine,
Must breathe pine to feel alive.
All efforts circumvent the coming call to death.

Immolation
I want to dissolve on the outskirts of the world,
And I will tie the string to escape the other side.
Crowds of people praying on the body,
Using her as a host. A public, pregnant ceremony.
Preyed on and eyed, 
You open the glass case of my gazing perfection.
Abandon the elders and run for the road.
I will light my body on fire before you get too close.
They trace the lines on my face; 
Facing, I sit at the very edge of the bed.
Look at yourself in the mirror,
And try to remember who you really are.
Orbital puffiness; honey bee pollen;
I put my face on. I put my face back on.

November
Crush the apple with your teeth, measuring time.
I circle the devil's forehead,
Spinning a thread above your head.
Standing tall, interpret the cards:
Remember the family driving the car,
Stumble and lose track, three cats to call.
Nobody can find you,
The winter's finally here to console.
I don't need your hand. I need your heart.
I'm lost without you.
She brushes the beach and turns, foam rolling,
Envying death.
I withdraw, without a burden or ache.

Split 7" w/ Test - 2018 - Moment of Collapse, Dead Tank, Laja, 255

Handprints
Long car screeches "Hello."
Confused and washed, hogtied,
You forget to give me air.
The veins are a one path maze.
Virgin Mary crawls out of the frame,
Pulls herself across the floor to my feet,
The shrine she weeps on.
Feminine nature you worship but distort.
Don't shave me.

Unconscious Codes
Face to face, silence coming close.
Angels press on us, spreading ruin.
Leafless tree stricken with frost.
The only exit is across,
Wretched religion, fighting dogs,
Laying in a pool of maroon blood.
Crooked necked enemies of god,
Preserved eyes that sting follow him.
Is he the one you want?

Hollow Bones
Take me away from the fist,
Take me away from the breast,
Cutting out parts of my hair,
Laughing with these friends,
Letting it stew.
Young pulsating heart,
My memories see the farm light.
Plastic sunflowers, dusty now.
I open the door,
Red light melts onto the floor.
Stagger in from the dark to finally hit the light.
Insects cover fluorescent
Static shocking me
Splitting sounds. "Lulu, help me."

The Fool
How have you fallen?
You masquerade around,
How you just tip-toe.
You're a fool upside-down.
I see your captives,
They bear your scars.
Free labor? Expensive territory.
Justice over your shoulder,
Gutting you from your teeth,
To your spleen, and down.

Pollinator - 2019 - Artoffact Records

Losing Weight
Losing weight, I’ve found my home in hell.
Closed parts; The rearranging of time.
Black hair shedding itself
I need a specialist, someone who can help me
Belt of sand / Ocean's strength;
"Swift is the kiss of fire”
Burning from the inside
Down in.

Delayed Grief // Farmhouse Red
Delayed grief swelling and swelling,
My phantom baby, Chainlink dirty dots,
The pain it's caused, not knowing.
We hold onto your feet
And pour ourselves over you;
A protective barrier knit
Burlingame's abandoned lots,
Born from houses torn down.
Thankfulness is me walking on the sidewalk;
You are finally placed in my arms
My tears are like a river now,
They fall more and more everyday
Phenomenon, the alarm reaction...
Ghost.

Seven Heads
(Paraphrenia; Bell chimes)
A paradise of delusion. Rotten. Hush-hush.
His stare says it's obsession,
Friendship perverted over and over again.
Willingly cutting at the root,
Sisters puncture the replica doll
To save me from the tannin.
Impregnated feelings born from lust;
Was it real life, or unearned advantages?
I’m releasing the fugitive serpent back into the wild.
“After generations, the privilege becomes invisible to the holders.”
Systematic subordination

Night Song
Coral lipstick. The first I ever received.
A way to look at myself
Presenting in a cage
Lock and key.
So it is, so it will be.
Venus, give me a good pattern 
A way to print my face
As still as a brooding dove.
Heaven's blue smile;
A snake with silvery skin
Sit with me as I hang the toad.
Spinning string, he fidgets and looks past
Letting him dangle while I rip out his veins.
Careless boys at play.
Great opportunity lies in this state of confusion

Wonder
Ceremonial sculpture
It never changes
A glowing Saturn light;
A piece of frosting dabbed on her nose
Two figurines standing too close.
Memories of electric jolts;
A red-lined mirror with digits in lipstick
She's looking back at herself 
Large purple indents swoop just below the eye.
Can't stay asleep, it's always running
My brain never shuts off.
She picks up the broken piece delicately,
Drives it in,
Crucified on a telephone pole.
Gemini star watching you.

The Mad
“Every symbol has a hidden premise behind it” Frank said.
Washing windows stumbled over
Out of the picture in America.
Starving dogs in the heat;
What a horrible mouthing sore of a human.
Shaking and vomiting,
He’s stuck in meat casing of sagging flesh
The coward buries itself in front of the dead.
Time passing so fast as kids get older,
Evil bubbles inside the belly and forces its way
Through the hands of a teenager
Staring down, but oh so short.
Can you slow your breath? Become softer?
Have kindness, and leave it alone?
Is there a way to untie it? A way to untie you?
An applause. 
The parasitic bacteria receives support.
The tree is dead.

Al Di La
Eyes open, feet sweating on satin
Flickering pain lighting up
Hitch me to the reaper.
Theater curtain, studded vest,
This limbo you breathe in
Eerie cold in my chest.
Why are you collecting plastic?
Why all the trash?
Stone-colored hands too brittle to move.
“Its closer than ever
Did you hear that faint roar?”
Sandprints, overdosed,
You've fallen off now. 
You lost now. The neuro-bombs implode.
She turns over and slides closer
“I have earned my urn,
The one that’s left at my gravesite, next to the name tattooed on your hand.”
Flower blooming from inside a skull.
Skull; Hem of the horizon
The madness of all things.

Last Leaf
What does the old woman say as you pass?
Clearing, and sweeping across the floor
The voice repeats.
Freckles like watercolor
Dripped from head to toe.
Wooden floor, hands and knees, 
I'll paint each square just so you don’t forget me.
Coyote nipping, police scanner calls, 
Pumpkin-colored farm light,
Furnace monster; 
Her breast cancer,
Scratching at my back,
All my dreams; 
This is just memories
Still polluting, still polluting
Indefinite boundary,
My heart is a swamp.
You pinned down my soul;
Bondage straps across my chest.

Zula
Skin of fog
Crater of a mouth
Am I a good person?
The clouds drag across the sky
A static kinda cling;
Ornate scarfs you twirl
Grace Jones dances across the screen.
It's the party we've thrown for ourselves
I'm in an asylum.

Biome
Biome, can we protect ourselves
From being smothered?
How is it still so reassuring to the organ wasting away?
In a box of rolled cigarettes,
My majesty is rotten
And the skin is morphing 
To the fears of individualism.
Seeking and counting,
Hatred is a long fuse.
Dusk descends, latex hands,
Identity screenshot memoir.
My body is porous and filled with seeds
God's miscarriage.

Webspinner
Singing to a demon I’ve willingly called,
Follow after the imprints
I'll raise my cupped hands and occupy.
Walking across the poorly lit street
An Art-Deco obsession. 
Little noise I sang out of my mouth
You didn’t notice the disco bell.
Psalms of the silent
You see only me:
Obsession in the middle of a burning fire.
Make a wife. Sick fuck,
You would do anything.
Do you support me?
This is not a ticket to a good life.
Pierrot-painted mask,
Fool of a clown.

Luminescent Cellar 
I give my life to strangers
And I keep it from the ones I love
Aging; 
Feed the desire, just to starve the will.
Stoic tolerance of a second_rate reality
Can you see me?
Let’s all be Rembrandts on an LED screen
Staging a kiss,
Fluid gender dismissed.
The diluted glow of twilight
Paralyzing pain in being with family.
In the dark, you're not anywhere you can hide and hide.
As real as tall candles you light when you're afraid;
Enthralling cruelty society throws at you,
Like a carnival squirt gun, just as cold and embarrassing.
You retreat from the light,
Can you hear me?
Take up space.

Marionettes
Down in silence
Holding onto hollow
Savior unstrung and dumb.
Why do I keep thinking? 
Let me have this.
All the hidden lilies in our yard.
I remember waking up in a sweat,
Pearlesque gleaming;
Being pulled like teeth.
I can see faint colors reflecting back at me 
As I stare down at my hand
My birthstone, the one my anya told me was mine.
Mute, I see her dark eyes
Heavy snow, let me apply pressure now.
Flowers of the abyss,
Keeping out all the light
I hide from my mom.

Perla
Ink on my arm exploding across my dry skin
Cells pre-aging; hereditary.
Magnifying energies,
Coldness when my breath is still
The bark on the tree gets rigid and frozen.
Voided spells alter life,
Hands slide under the gap
Have centipedes been inside before?
Gripping as it holds onto itself, 
It keeps attempting to grow.
Crack-back echos, naked the scream
Two pennies left at the roots 
They kneel and dig fingers into the dirt
There's no way to push forward,
To force anything.
Stop blowing smoke in its face.

Do Not Let Me Off The Cliff - EP - 2019 - Artoffact Records

Thrust

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The Portal Of God Is Nonexistence

Pity Sex

Dropping From The Trees

(Lyrics Redacted)